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Undecided

January 26, 2010

I went to a baby shower this weekend where four of my six closest friends in attendance were pregnant. With their second or third child. I think we counted that between us, there would be fifteen children once these current pregnancies are wrapped up. Holy crap that is scary, and who wants to be at that backyard BBQ? NOT ME. Haha.

People always ask when the next little Oswald is coming along, and I just cannot say. I’ve been saying for awhile now that maybe late this calendar year I might possibly consider it for like half a second, and then if that doesn’t totally freak me out, I’ll give it a full second thought. But I just can’t see it right now. I can’t see passed how crowded our house would be baby toys AND little girl toys, how red our bank account would be paying for double childcare, and how crazy my life outside work would be getting two kids ready in the morning and in and out of the car twice a day and meals and double the lost socks and shoes and runny noses and whatnot. I just cannot see passed all that to find the extra joy and love that’s probably nestled somewhere in between all that stress. I just can’t!

But I didn’t see myself ever having even one child and loving her this much, despite the challenges and the way life did a complete 180. So there’s always that chance that I’ll be wrong again and we’ll find ourselves with a household of four plus the dog. I don’t know when, I don’t know if it will be on purpose or accident, I really don’t know right now. What I do know is that I love our family just as we are. Yesterday Ronnie, Skyler, me, and even Bruno were lounging all together on the couch, and it was just perfect. If this is all our family ever was, I would be OK with that!

P.S. Ronnie and I played a game tonight that if I found out I was pregnant and it was a boy and we had to order his birth certificate TONIGHT, what would it say? We both separately wrote down names on a sheet of paper and turns out, we had one name in common: Ross. So there ya go, maybe there is hope?

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