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The same, but different

The air outside Mild and humid with Spring rain Sunlight diffused by the overcast sky Sidewalks wet with recent rainfall The neighbors walking their dogs, Entire families outside to enjoy the fresh air Kids shooting hoops in the driveway, but only in their own. Everyone keeping their safe distance, but everyone outside It looks so …

Swimming in anxiety with COVID-19

Anxiety comes naturally to me. I know I’m blessed and unique in that way (said no one ever). Big news events like this COVID-19 stuff and the stuff with Iran back in January can really do a number in my brain. I’ve come along way with managing my daily anxiety through exercise, sleep, nutrition, meditation, …

Music, painting, and alcohol

The last couple months of 2019 were both joyful and frantic. I had a surprising volume of pet portrait orders for Christmas which was all a new business to me, so I just buckled down and spent my evenings and weekends cranking them out in time for the holidays. It was exciting and scary and …

Known

I cry out to God As only God can know me My heart that I’ve been told is evil My mind I’ve been taught not to trust My flesh that was deemed as temptation Yet these were crafted by my Creator With adoration and love A temple for oneness and worship How could I be …

Walls

I feel it in my throat A voice trapped A scream stifled But muscles strangle my soul into silence I feel it in my bones A spirit contained Defined by a deteriorating shell But the body protects the gift it carries I feel it in this room A life that is stuck A longing to …

Projections

I see them Sad eyes Blank stares Shallow conversation Going through the motions “Is this all there is?” Cries from their empty insides I wonder what their stories are and what brought them here, and if they will ever wake up and escape? Do they even know it’s possible? And then I wonder If what …

Edge

The knot tightens in my core A cauldron beneath it Brewing from the past Fear Uncertainty Apathy I am frozen in this darkness But I know it will bubble over into nothing Evaporate when I wake Sunshine and hope awaits Don’t fight it Just breathe and be Until the dawn of a new day.

Afternoon in paradise

The clouds swirled above in multiple layers Shifting from wind, rain, sunshine We were in the arc of a rainbow I wondered if three different days passed. Twin peaks stood in stark contrast Conducting the clouds Casting gold dust and shadow in the valley I rested in their enduring majesty. The spruce and the aspen …

The work

Why do I feel so guilty? This focus on me. The work to become who I’m meant to be. Peeling back the scabs and reopening the scars What isn’t mine? What is of the stars? Underneath is an unbroken child True love and dreams She was born of the wild But the world told her …

Anxiety attack

Once it had subsided I tried to explain it But the words made no sense Failure Drowning Tightness Suffocating Tears Heavy Frozen “What triggered it?” I don’t know. Maybe that thing… But that doesn’t seem enough Maybe everything… But then I am ungrateful I have a good life And should not feel this way. The …

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