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Swimming in anxiety with COVID-19

Anxiety comes naturally to me. I know I’m blessed and unique in that way (said no one ever). Big news events like this COVID-19 stuff and the stuff with Iran back in January can really do a number in my brain. I’ve come along way with managing my daily anxiety through exercise, sleep, nutrition, meditation, …

Known

I cry out to God As only God can know me My heart that I’ve been told is evil My mind I’ve been taught not to trust My flesh that was deemed as temptation Yet these were crafted by my Creator With adoration and love A temple for oneness and worship How could I be …

Walls

I feel it in my throat A voice trapped A scream stifled But muscles strangle my soul into silence I feel it in my bones A spirit contained Defined by a deteriorating shell But the body protects the gift it carries I feel it in this room A life that is stuck A longing to …

Edge

The knot tightens in my core A cauldron beneath it Brewing from the past Fear Uncertainty Apathy I am frozen in this darkness But I know it will bubble over into nothing Evaporate when I wake Sunshine and hope awaits Don’t fight it Just breathe and be Until the dawn of a new day.

The work

Why do I feel so guilty? This focus on me. The work to become who I’m meant to be. Peeling back the scabs and reopening the scars What isn’t mine? What is of the stars? Underneath is an unbroken child True love and dreams She was born of the wild But the world told her …

Anxiety attack

Once it had subsided I tried to explain it But the words made no sense Failure Drowning Tightness Suffocating Tears Heavy Frozen “What triggered it?” I don’t know. Maybe that thing… But that doesn’t seem enough Maybe everything… But then I am ungrateful I have a good life And should not feel this way. The …

That’s anxiety talking

“I’m at work and text my husband something random during the day and he doesn’t immediately reply. I know he recently picked up our daughters from Grandma’s and should be home by now. Maybe he’s napping. Or maybe they got in a fatal accident on the way home and I’ve lost them both. My life …

Calm Before the Storm

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. –Nelson Mandela My countdown app says “4” days till Layla. And unless she makes an early appearance on her own, we are on the books at Children’s Mercy to get labor started this Monday morning, November 2nd. I spent my last day of work in the …

Almost Paradise

We leave for Florida in less than four days. My excitement and anticipation has become that usual mix of anxiousness and fear I get now that I’m a parent and we’re leaving our baby behind for a few days. The awful “what-ifs” run through my mind when I think about flying in an airplane, and …

Vacation from Vacation

After what felt like an entire day of flying (though we were only airborne for like 3 hours), we got home from Vegas late yesterday. My fears of flying were in full force this trip, maybe even more intense than our last vacation. During takeoff my heart would pound in my chest and I would …

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