Known
I cry out to God
As only God can know me
My heart that I’ve been told is evil
My mind I’ve been taught not to trust
My flesh that was deemed as temptation
Yet these were crafted by my Creator
With adoration and love
A temple for oneness and worship
How could I be a mistake?
But a gift and treasure from the origins of Love
In all my passions and seeking questions
I look to You
For You made me and invite me back to myself, where You reside in Body, Mind and Spirit
I can trust me because I am Yours
I no longer fear my heart and thoughts and flesh
For I am
Beautifully and wonderfully made
Walls
I feel it in my throat
A voice trapped
A scream stifled
But muscles strangle my soul into silence
I feel it in my bones
A spirit contained
Defined by a deteriorating shell
But the body protects the gift it carries
I feel it in this room
A life that is stuck
A longing to explore
But home is where the heart is, and responsibility
I feel it in this world
Minds that need to open
Hearts that yearn to heal
But traditions and systems maintain the chaos
Projections
I see them
Sad eyes
Blank stares
Shallow conversation
Going through the motions
“Is this all there is?”
Cries from their empty insides
I wonder what their stories are and what brought them here, and if they will ever wake up and escape? Do they even know it’s possible?
And then
I wonder
If what I see is real?
Or are they just reflections of
My own longings?
Edge
The knot tightens in my core
A cauldron beneath it
Brewing from the past
Fear
Uncertainty
Apathy
I am frozen in this darkness
But I know it will bubble over into nothing
Evaporate when I wake
Sunshine and hope awaits
Don’t fight it
Just breathe and be
Until the dawn of a new day.
Unbound
It was safe and secure
With love and limits
An answer for every question
Even if shrouded in the long ago and far away.
A world of legends and miracles
But truth to a child’s open mind.
The universe slowly shifted
Grew
Evolved
The seal to the box was opened
Out flowed grace and peace and wonder, not like Pandora
And God and all the universe was bigger, more vast, mysterious
Powerful beyond measure
Truth is love
Outside the box
Unbound by a distant man’s translation.
Afternoon in paradise
The clouds swirled above in multiple layers
Shifting from wind, rain, sunshine
We were in the arc of a rainbow
I wondered if three different days passed.
Twin peaks stood in stark contrast
Conducting the clouds
Casting gold dust and shadow in the valley
I rested in their enduring majesty.
The spruce and the aspen
Branches waving and swirling toward the sky
Symbols of growth and protection
I inhaled their life giving breath.
When the inside is too much
Outside draws me close
My eyes and heart open
And I melt into Nature’s embrace.
Gulf Shores
The warm ocean breeze
Was a rhythm in my veins
Singing never forget where you come From.
The sand fell away beneath my toes
But the salty foam tide
Enveloped my feet
Securing me in the Presence.
On the edge of the earth
I met the Center of my soul.
The work
Why do I feel so guilty?
This focus on me.
The work to become who I’m meant to be.
Peeling back the scabs and reopening the scars
What isn’t mine?
What is of the stars?
Underneath is an unbroken child
True love and dreams
She was born of the wild
But the world told her no
Her voice became quiet
She defaulted to rules and shame
She did the right thing
And feared when she didn’t
To never dishonor her name
She whispers to me through all of the noise
And debris of stories told
I am.
I am.
I am.
Her voice echos below and I am torn
Between the guilt of trying to break free
Or the guilt of leaving her behind
Anxiety attack
Once it had subsided
I tried to explain it
But the words made no sense
Failure
Drowning
Tightness
Suffocating
Tears
Heavy
Frozen
“What triggered it?”
I don’t know.
Maybe that thing…
But that doesn’t seem enough
Maybe everything…
But then I am ungrateful
I have a good life
And should not feel this way.
The anxiety has subsided
And the shame sets in.
Next
Remember remember remember.
There’s that
you keep forgetting
There’s this
you keep procrastinating
And that other thing
Why haven’t you taken care of that yet?
And a hundred other things
Some trivial and some more important
Waiting in that long line that continues all the way around the corner
One in
One out
Too many on the dance floor
Tisk
Task
Check the box
But the line outside is growing infinitely
And each new checked box
Requires more effort
Less purpose
Less reward
But the fear of being trampled by it all
Keeps the line moving.
Next.
