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Known

October 18, 2019

I cry out to God

As only God can know me

My heart that I’ve been told is evil

My mind I’ve been taught not to trust

My flesh that was deemed as temptation

Yet these were crafted by my Creator

With adoration and love

A temple for oneness and worship

How could I be a mistake?

But a gift and treasure from the origins of Love

In all my passions and seeking questions

I look to You

For You made me and invite me back to myself, where You reside in Body, Mind and Spirit

I can trust me because I am Yours

I no longer fear my heart and thoughts and flesh

For I am

Beautifully and wonderfully made

Walls

October 10, 2019

I feel it in my throat

A voice trapped

A scream stifled

But muscles strangle my soul into silence

I feel it in my bones

A spirit contained

Defined by a deteriorating shell

But the body protects the gift it carries

I feel it in this room

A life that is stuck

A longing to explore

But home is where the heart is, and responsibility

I feel it in this world

Minds that need to open

Hearts that yearn to heal

But traditions and systems maintain the chaos

Projections

October 4, 2019

I see them

Sad eyes

Blank stares

Shallow conversation

Going through the motions

“Is this all there is?”

Cries from their empty insides

I wonder what their stories are and what brought them here, and if they will ever wake up and escape? Do they even know it’s possible?

And then

I wonder

If what I see is real?

Or are they just reflections of

My own longings?

Edge

September 3, 2019

The knot tightens in my core

A cauldron beneath it

Brewing from the past

Fear

Uncertainty

Apathy

I am frozen in this darkness

But I know it will bubble over into nothing

Evaporate when I wake

Sunshine and hope awaits

Don’t fight it

Just breathe and be

Until the dawn of a new day.

Unbound

August 30, 2019

It was safe and secure

With love and limits

An answer for every question

Even if shrouded in the long ago and far away.

A world of legends and miracles

But truth to a child’s open mind.

The universe slowly shifted

Grew

Evolved

The seal to the box was opened

Out flowed grace and peace and wonder, not like Pandora

And God and all the universe was bigger, more vast, mysterious

Powerful beyond measure

Truth is love

Outside the box

Unbound by a distant man’s translation.

Afternoon in paradise

August 23, 2019

The clouds swirled above in multiple layers

Shifting from wind, rain, sunshine

We were in the arc of a rainbow

I wondered if three different days passed.

Twin peaks stood in stark contrast

Conducting the clouds

Casting gold dust and shadow in the valley

I rested in their enduring majesty.

The spruce and the aspen

Branches waving and swirling toward the sky

Symbols of growth and protection

I inhaled their life giving breath.

When the inside is too much

Outside draws me close

My eyes and heart open

And I melt into Nature’s embrace.

Gulf Shores

August 7, 2019

The warm ocean breeze

Was a rhythm in my veins

Singing never forget where you come From.

The sand fell away beneath my toes

But the salty foam tide

Enveloped my feet

Securing me in the Presence.

On the edge of the earth

I met the Center of my soul.

The work

July 17, 2019

Why do I feel so guilty?

This focus on me.

The work to become who I’m meant to be.

Peeling back the scabs and reopening the scars

What isn’t mine?

What is of the stars?

Underneath is an unbroken child

True love and dreams

She was born of the wild

But the world told her no

Her voice became quiet

She defaulted to rules and shame

She did the right thing

And feared when she didn’t

To never dishonor her name

She whispers to me through all of the noise

And debris of stories told

I am.

I am.

I am.

Her voice echos below and I am torn

Between the guilt of trying to break free

Or the guilt of leaving her behind

Anxiety attack

July 11, 2019

Once it had subsided

I tried to explain it

But the words made no sense

Failure

Drowning

Tightness

Suffocating

Tears

Heavy

Frozen

“What triggered it?”

I don’t know.

Maybe that thing…

But that doesn’t seem enough

Maybe everything…

But then I am ungrateful

I have a good life

And should not feel this way.

The anxiety has subsided

And the shame sets in.

Next

July 10, 2019

Remember remember remember.

There’s that

you keep forgetting

There’s this

you keep procrastinating

And that other thing

Why haven’t you taken care of that yet?

And a hundred other things

Some trivial and some more important

Waiting in that long line that continues all the way around the corner

One in

One out

Too many on the dance floor

Tisk

Task

Check the box

But the line outside is growing infinitely

And each new checked box

Requires more effort

Less purpose

Less reward

But the fear of being trampled by it all

Keeps the line moving.

Next.